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Try a Cooler and a U-Haul - by pogopunk

Try a Cooler and a U-Haul

hi, i'm supposed to be gone, but certain things have driven me to make a slight return, but just to write this article. anyhoo, that's beside the point.

i was recently clearing out my roms (bye bye columns) and while making detours to play random games, i decided to play eb. i started up on my last save state, and i was cruising around, when something just came out and bothered me. i'm sure everyone was no fan of the limited, VERY limited, inventory space, and i was trying to clear out the weird stuff i was lugging around. i always sorta liked the inventory system, it brought a little realism into earthbound. but then, the more i thought about it, the less sense it made to me. i mean, where the heck is paula supposed to keep all the food i gave her, (she's the designated food holder person. sexist? maybe.) in her panties? and it's no better with jeff and poo, i doubt jeff can keep a big hunkin' bazooka in his trousers. so now, thanks to my compulsive thinking, i now look at the gang as very weird storage people. yeah, it's earthbound, it never makes sense, but if nintendo was gonna limit your inventory, they should have at least limited what kinda junk you put in there. they may as well be like final fantasy and let you carry 255 broad swords.

and this brings me to my second point, what the heck is wrong with eagleland nutrition? or more precisely, whets wrong with the gang's nutrition? sure they eat hamburgers and french fries but that stuff is fatty and bad for kids trying to save the world. and talk about the freshness, walking across the hot desert, and letting all that food rot. pizzas don't exactly last a long time, especially shoved into wherever they keep their stuff. and popsicles...i can only imagine how they keep those cool. actually, i think eb64 should have expiration dates on the food, and after awhile, if you eat it, you get sick and have to go to the healer or something.

and not even do those kids eat rotten food, its not like the stuff they eat is not very filling. look at poo, all he eats (more like drinks) is water and rice gruel. isn't rice gruel the stuff they give you in prison? and what exactly IS brain food lunch? and can you only eat it for lunch? what about dinner? well seeing as how eagleland is stuck in perpetual daylight, i guess they only eat lunch. but if you look at all the food you can buy, it's not exactly loaded with carbohydrates. i'm surprised ness didn't pack on 30 pounds and sign up with weight watchers..geez.

so in conclusion, earthbound is a really weird game, because it seems to make sense, but then it doesn't, and so it drives you crazy, because you're all like, huh? wha? gwa? but that's what we all love about it, isn't it?


Other Submissions by pogopunk

Author Sort Ascending Sort Descending Title Sort Ascending Sort Descending Description Sort Ascending Sort Descending Date Sort Ascending Sort Descending Rank Sort Ascending Sort Descending
Pogopunk Desert
The gang spending a not-so-relaxing day in Dusty Dunes Desert.
1/7/05 0.00
Pogopunk Happiests
Ness tries to sleep, but he's too busy worrying about waking up blue the next day.
1/7/05 0.00
Pogopunk Luring Happy Happiests
Ness tries to get the Happy Happiests to come over so he can beat the crap out of them. DOWN WITH ORGANIZED GANGS.
1/7/05 0.00
Pogopunk Ness
Ness sleeping as the meteor crashes in Onett.
1/7/05 0.00
Pogopunk Sharks
The Sharks gang up on Ness.
1/7/05 7.00

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